Do This Make Me Look Fat?

The Pooch wasn't too pleased when we dressed her in a Christmas bandana. Then again, compared to what The Parents would have dressed her in, this was nothing.

The Best SNL Skit In YEARS!

I Always Feel Like, Somebody's Watching Me...

Every morning, The Girlfriend leaves for work before I even get out of bed. This works out well because when she forgets something, she can call me from the train and ask if it's still at home. But today was different.

When I finally turned on my cell phone this morning, I had a voicemail from The Girlfriend, who was on her way to court to defend some corporation or slumlord. It went like this:

"Hi...um, in case you are looking for the home phone, I kinda have it with me today."

Once I got over the irony of her heading to court (where I hope the courthouse metal detectors discovered her larceny), I realized that I need to hire a security guard for my own home.

Pretzel War?

Auntie Anne's is a gazillion times better than Pretzel Time.

New Toy!

I got a new toy on Friday. It may be the coolest thing I've ever owned (besides my 15" PowerBook and 20 gig iPod): http://www.palm.com/us/products/smartphones/treo650.

Now all I need is for Kirstie Lou to tell me all of her tips and tricks on how to navigate around this thing!

One of the Funniest Lines Ever Said By DK

DK: what does MANNY BEING MANNY mean?
DK: if i said that's just FLAHERTY BEING FLAHERTY when he does something stupid is it the same?

"So You're Saying There's A Chance?!?!"

Two years ago, I e-mailed my resume to a bigwig in the music industry, who happened to be a friend of a friend. I received the following response:

"Dear Paralawyer,

Thank you for your resume. As you are probably aware, the music industry is in turmoil right now. therefore, we are not hiring at this time. Best of luck...yada yada yada."

In the throws of moving to suburbia 3 weeks ago, I came across that letter. So I decided to contact Mr. Bigwig again to see if he had any openings at his record label. He called me yesterday and began the conversation with the following:

"Hi Paralawyer....as you are probably aware, the music industry is in worse turmoil now than it was two years ago."

And then he even added, "if you weren't dead-set on a career in the music industry, i would tell you to run the other way."

Fan-fucking-tastic.